


Human Error

by LitLocked



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pining!Sherlock, Unrequited Love, Uses The Sign of Three and His Last Vow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 06:16:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1255933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LitLocked/pseuds/LitLocked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything Sherlock does not say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Human Error

_I am baffled by the apparent gravitational anomaly_

_That draws me to you_

_With a force far too great for your size._

_I know of no way to quantify_

_The volume of your presence_

_In a room._

_I am not a poet._

_I am a scientist._

-Love Letter from a Scientist by utterlybanjaxed

 

There are things Sherlock Holmes knows how to put into words: deductions, insults, results of experiments. Then there’s everything he feels for John Watson.

“Henry. Humphrey. Higgins.” He uses John’s birth certificate to find out his middle name. He doesn’t tell him why knowing every little fact about him trumps the solar system in terms of importance.

He tells everyone how stunned he had been when asked to be Best Man. He doesn’t tell them how he was doing everything he could to deserve the title of being John’s best friend.

He tells them how John is wise and kind and brave. He doesn’t tell them how he holds Sherlock’s fragile heart tucked away in those jumpers of his.

He tells them about the stag night and how idiotic they had been. He doesn’t tell them how the lowered inhibitions had brought unbidden thoughts into his mind.

He tells them that he’d always be there for Mary and John. He doesn’t tell them how watching them get married had been like a stake through his heart.

He tells them that drugs were for a case. He doesn’t tell them they were because he needed something to numb the ache of losing John.

He tells him that the chair was blocking his view to the kitchen. He doesn’t tell him that he couldn’t bear to see it empty.

“Human error”, he tells John. He doesn’t tell him that he speaks from the personal experience of loving him and not being loved back.

He tells John that it was surgery. He doesn’t tell him that the thought of John being in danger had restarted his heart.

He tells him “because you chose her”. He doesn’t tell him “but how I wish you had chosen me.”

He tells the medics that they might need to restart his heart. He doesn’t say it had stopped under the strain of trying to reconcile the love of his life with the woman who had shot him.

“I’m not a hero”, he tells Magnussen. He doesn’t say that he had made a vow. And he was going to keep it, even if it cost him his life, freedom, everything. None of them would have any meaning in a universe where John Watson was in danger, anyway.

“Alone protects me”, he had said. And yet, he had given up everything to protect the man who had taught him that friends protect people.

In the end, Mycroft was right, as always. He really was obvious. Except that the promise of love had happened simultaneously with the pain of loss, and redemption was nowhere in sight. But at least his damsel in distress was safe.

He tells everyone that he’s a high-functioning sociopath. He doesn’t tell them that it’s a lie he tells to cover his greatest weakness: his undeniable humanity.

He tells him that Sherlock is actually girl’s name. He doesn’t tell him that his heart never really stopped bleeding out; because he wants John to continue believing he didn’t have one.

“To the best of times”, he tells him. He doesn’t tell him that he’s going to hold on to that warmth for the next six months, before he meets his end, this time for real.


End file.
